Are We Having Fun Yet?

So um yeah. I took Tracy to the Melting Pot for her birthday on Wednesday. She showed up at my house. On time. Dressed up. (for her) The Melting Pot is about 25 miles away. Not far by Atlanta standards, but far by Cincinnati standards. There are 2 ways to get there...the long way around I-275 or straight up I-71. Considering it was rush hour, I opted for 275. Took about 30-35 minutes to get there. I Tried to talk to her to kill time on the long journey. I thought I was doing a good job of finding things to say. I mean we have not seen each other in several years, so there is alot to catch up on. Despite the fact that we have very little in common, there has to be Some common ground. Finally she said "After knowing each other for over 20 years I expected our conversations would be more interesting." WTF?? I did not give up though. A few weeks ago she mentioned she watched The Amazing Race. And of course I am a HUGE TAR fan. So I tried to talk about the final episode the next day. I asked her who she wanted to win. She said "Not those faggots that's for sure". Huh? I said "I Really Really wanted the the clowns to win." She broke in that she wants David and Jeff to win. I told her that since the clowns are gone, I will root for my 2nd favourite team - Reichen and Chip. (although Kelly and Jon began to grow on me). I think Reichen is a doll. She starts going on and on about how disgusting "faggots" are. Ooooooook. She brought up my friend Dan - who she claims to have never met. I can't believe that. But Dan says he doesn't know her either. Anyway, she said "I have never met your friend Dan, but if you want to know the truth, I don't care if I ever do. In fact you can do me a favour and please don't ever have us at your house at the same time." Whoa! Damn. I decided to stop talking for awhile. At about the 25 mile mark, she starts complaining of a headache so bad she feels like she could throw up. Oh great.

We get to the restaurant. She immediately goes to the bathroom. We order. Before the first course arrives, she is back in the bathroom. The cheese arrives. She takes one bite of the cheese and heads back to the bathroom. She alternates between freezing and sweating. Needless to say, I ate the whole pot of cheese by myself. She picked at the carrots and cauliflower. (not dipping them in the cheese of course. thank god) She said she doesn't think she can eat, but she will sit there while I eat. Firstly, it is an entree for 2. There is no way in hell I can eat all of that alone. Secondly, it is way too expensive to waste. I was about to get up and find our server when she appears with our salads. Tracy said maybe she can eat the salad. So she picks at it a bit. Then goes back to the bathroom one more time. While she is gone, I tell our server that she is sick and wants to leave. I had to stop it before the meat was brought out. Tracy comes back and I tell her we are leaving. She claims she has no idea why she is sick. All the talk of gay people maybe? She said she has never felt like this before. She mentions something about "nerves".

The server brings the check. $27 for cheese and salads!! Tracy gives me $10 for "half". I hesitated for a minute before taking it. It was my intention to treat her to a birthday dinner. But damn. She Did ruin it. I wasted gas and time....and $27. And I still didn't know what to make of her "illness". So I took it. I have had it reaffirmed to me by a couple people that I should not feel guilty for doing so.

I decided to take the "short" route home. I am not the type of person who keeps a bunch of crap in my car. In fact my car is usually spotless. I don't keep napkins, towels, bags, or french fries between the seats. But on this particular day, there was a Home Depot bag on the back seat containing Some Thing Matthew bought and then decided he didn't need and gave to me to return to the store. I gave her the bag and in my best Garth impression said "If you're gonna spew, spew in this."

Halfway home. Doing about 90mph in the fast lane. She reaches for the bag. Oh Good Lord No. Not in my car. Please not in my car. I somehow make it over to the slow lane and the shoulder without killing anyone. Not fast enough. She spews - mostly - in the bag. I am mostly terrified that it is on my seats or floor. (compassionate I am not really) She opens the door and leans out. She is crying and apologising. I tell her it's ok. If I thought she was faking for some reason before...well...I believe her now. She asks me if I have a towel. At first I say no. Because like I said - spotless clean car. Then I remember my Jazzercise stuff in the back. There is my sweaty hand towel back there. She offers to wash it and return it to me. Ahhhh...no thanks.

I am trying not to make too big of a deal about this. I am not gagging and rolling down the windows. But the smell of spewed carrots is really getting to me. It was all over the front of her shirt and I did not know this at the time - but also all over the seat belt. I try to be nice and discreetly breathe through my mouth until we get home about 10 minutes later.

Wednesday was a very hot and humid day. The hottest in a long time. It's like it finally decided to be summer here. What could have contributed to her illness was the fact that she has no A/C in her car or her trailer. God. Where do I find these people? People you were friends with in high school can grow up to be people you have absolutely nothing in common with as adults. Maybe that is what she meant by nerves. Maybe she felt I was out of her league because I have A/C. I am not trying to be conceited and I did not brag about anything. But who knows what she was feeling. When I told her about my FearFest job she asked how much it paid. I told her I was embarassed to say it only paid $8 an hour. But I am not doing it for the money. I am doing it for fun. She said she makes $8 an hour. Ooops sorry. Maybe it made her nervous that Matthew makes 75grand a year and I don't Have to work. And we have rental income from our house in Atlanta. And her husband is an alcoholic who refuses to work and gets arrested on a monthly basis. I don't know. But I didn't rub any of these things in her face. I just tried to be "Laura from the block". No..seriously. Just kidding. All those years ago we became friends for a reason. Right now, I don't know what that reason was. But there had to be one.

So...Thursday. I take my car in to be cleaned. I didn't notice any meaty chunks on the floor or seat. So I thought it would be cleaned up and smell like Pina Colada. After I left the car wash and picked Matthew up at the doctor, I noticed chunks on the passenger side seat belt. OH GOD. We went back to the car wash and they said they don't clean up spew for health reasons. Please oh please god get it off. The owner finally came out and wiped it down. I don't know. In my opinon, the car still stinks. Remember the Seinfeld episode with the BO? Yeah...it's like that. It's an entity.

Oh..about The Amazing Race. I told Tracy I didn't think David and Jeff would win because I think it is just dumb luck (and physical strength) that they have made it so far. I think Reichen and Chip not only have the brawn to take them all they way, they have something David and Jeff are lacking. Brains. And that was obvious last night. Too bad Tracy missed it. I called her about 5 minutes before 8 to see how she was doing. Her drunk husband answered and said she was asleep and he was in the living room getting a tattoo on his leg. Oh hell yeah.

Matchbox 20 wisdom and thought for the day -
"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"