Blue crush. Blue days.

My friend Dan, who has been unemployed since April, starts a new job Monday. Good for him. I just hope he can keep it. Since the dress code at the new job is "business casual", he needed some new clothes. So we went shopping yesterday. For 5 hours. To buy pants. We went to Kohl's where he bought 2 pair. Then we went to Sears and Penney's and Lazarus. No luck. The boy is too tall and a bit too thick around the middle. So we finally end up at Dillard's where he buys 5 pair. Dillard's was the last place he wanted to go because he was sure they would not have anything there. Of course then we had to take the first 2 pair back to Kohl's because they were "snug". What a fun day.

For some reason I got very upset yesterday. I spent a good 30 minutes crying on the phone to Matthew. I am just so lonely. I really can't stand it. 4 more days and he will be home. If only for 5 days.

The damn dog gets her jollies from dragging the fake moss from the bottom of my fake ficus tree. It looks like pubic hair all over the carpet. Of course I have been vacuuming this up for days and today my vacuum bag exploded. And I had no more bags. This set off another crying fit and I went back to bed and stayed there until 2pm watching "The Blue Lagoon" and left the pubic hair all over the floor. Finally I drag my sorry ass to WalMart to get more bags. Of course they don't have the kind I need, but I manage to rig it up so the wrong size bag stays put and I can get everything cleaned up.

Julia called and asked if I wanted to come over for dinner. She was making Greek chicken. I had already stuffed my face full of greasy ass Long John Silver's chicken, so I said I would pass. I am still kind of mad at her for blowing me off Thursday.

I have taken over my grandmother's finances. My mother has made a complete mess out of them. So now everything is neatly organized in Quicken. I am nothing if not anal.

To top off my evening I watched the movie "Blue Crush". Bad acting. But damn. Why wasn't I born a surfer chick on the North Shore? What a cool life. Island life. I thought the same thing while watching Blue Lagoon earlier. Wouldn't it be nice to just chuck everything and go live on an island? Maybe run a bar or restaurant. Or even a little hotel. I have made the first step in achieving my surfer girl dreams by buying a hemp bracelet on Ebay.

Speaking of Ebay. I sold an old Pillsbury Doughboy PopUp toy thing that my grandma probably got for sending in labels, for - get this - $82! And I sold an old Chewbacca Tshirt that was mine from about the 5th grade for $23. Cool. I am going to use the money to buy new snorkels for Matthew and I. I got his mask with the money I made from selling old dog clippers a couple months ago. Ebay is da bomb baby. All I have left to buy is a mask for myself. Of course I need the Optical lenses. So I have decided to make another Men At Work tape. If I can get $50 for it, I will be all set. This diving trip is going to cost a small fortune. But hopefully it will be worth it.

Just another day

It's been a few days. My grandmother has left for 2 weeks to stay with my aunt. Can I get amen and hallelujah? 2 weeks of peace. Relative peace. (pun intended) I do still have my mother to deal with. But at least I don't have to bathe her and make sure she is wearing her diaper.

Yesterday I met Julia at a Greek take-away place for lunch. She brought The Kid. I sort of have this overall disdain for people with children. I don't like being around them and I find their lives to be rather boring. Unless of course they are rich enough to have a nanny. But otherwise, they cannot do anything without bringing The Kid. And then of course you cannot have any form of a decent conversation with them because The Kid will always interrupt in one way or another. Sometimes I wonder if I will regret not having children. But. Naaaahhhhh.

Today I take Bijoux to the vet to have her stitches removed. She was supposed to be "inactive" for the past 3 weeks. Yeah right. She is 8 months old. Other than putting her in a cage 24/7 (which I could not bear to do), how do you keep her down with all that energy? I can only hope that everything has healed properly.

Last night I went to the COA meeting regarding the $500 assessment they are putting on everybody for water damage repairs. The board member who was conducting the meeting went into a 10 minute profanity-laden rampage when someone questioned his professionalism for putting up a public notice that called residents "inconsiderate pigs". He must have said "shit" at least 10 times. As in the picking up of other people's. About 7 people got up and walked out. I thought about it, but I wanted to see what was going to be done about the assessment. Of course nothing. Everyone is expected to pay. But what if we don't? My savings is marked for a dive trip to Honduras. Not to pay for the mismanagement of money that someone else was in charge of.

Last night I had a dream that Delta gave me my job back. After all this time. Both of my old supervisors were there to "re-hire" me. One of them though, had turned into a Buddhist monk or something. He had taken all the furniture out of his office and the walls were painted orange with yellow curtains hanging all over. And big cushions on the floor. And he was dressed as what appeared to be a monk. OK. My other supervisor was giving me a tour of the building, showing me all the things that had changed. She was not happy about me being back, but somehow we ended up going out to lunch together. I wasn't really happy about being back there either. I don't think I would go back now if they offered to double my salary.

Great ideas

This sounded like a good thing for me to do when I started this blog the other day. A way for me to vent. To express. To create. But since that time, I have not thought of anything to write about. And besides, who will read it? Me. And some day I will look back on all of this and laugh. Or cry.

Yesterday I was watching some show on The Food Network designed to whisk me back to my 70s childhood with thoughts of Pop Rocks (didn't that stuff used to be called "Space Dust"?) and Zero bars, when I was suddenly overcome with this sense of dread. Dread may not be the right word. Sadness? Emptiness? I tried to remember why. I asked myself..."What happened today that has upset me?" Was someone ill? No. Dead? No. The death of the Osbourne's dog Lulu upset me. But no. That wasn't it. I finally realised that Nothing Happened. Nothing. This was just simply how I felt. The past year has really taken its toll on me. My cat died, I lost my job, my dog died, and I had to give up my big beautiful house and move 500 miles away to a tiny little condo. All of this happened between May 2002 and May 2003. Enough already. I really think it is time to haul my butt to therapy. I always think of the movie "Girl, Interrupted" where they say "theRAPIST". Is that what therapy is? Rape? I mean, under normal circumstances you would not blurt out your deepest emotions to total strangers. But when you pay them and think it is "good for you", you do it. Oh I just don't know. This sounds like another great idea.

My Web page is about to be disabled. What's the point of having it anymore. I never do anything or go anywhere. God knows when I will actually travel again. So what is there to show people. I put a lot of work into it, but I just can't justify spending $89 to keep it up. Homestead started out as free. But over the past couple years they have started charging more and more. Talk about rape. Web space should be free. It doesn't even exist.

Another day of unemployment induced sloth drags on. Ahhhh, what to do today? Hang out with the Grams and the Mom? I don't think I can take much more of that. When will Matthew be home? 9 days and 50 minutes. And counting.

So this is it. A new place to share my innermost thoughts and feelings. And boy do I feel like I need a new place right now. Once I come up with some profound thoughts, and figure out exactly how this particular blogger works, I will be back.